ABC's...oh wait, a fourth point!

I went to Palmetto Land Church on January 9, 2011. The sermon was really meaningful to me. It was on Acts 9:1-6. We talked about the ABC's of Beaking OUT of the Rut. Well, I thought there was only going to be three points to the sermon because of the "ABC's", but PRAISE THE LORD there was a fourth step. The fourth step was "Don't wait". We as Americans, adults, young adults, high schoolers, and yes, even children now-a-days put off what we can do tomorrow.

Routine vs. Rut

1. order 1. boredom
2. transition 2. apathy
3. harmony 3. stifle
4. achievement 4. complacency
5. protection 5. tradition (negative connotation)

Step 1: Assume. Assume responsibility for YOUR OWN life.

• Ephesians 4:22-24 states "that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness". So, as believers, we are responsible for taking off the old and putting on the new.

• We don't need to accuse or excuse our behavior. We need to "choose" to... (step #2).

Step 2: Believe. We need to choose to believe you can change.

• Isaiah 41:10 is just one very popular verse that says, "FEAR NOT, for I am with you." Yes, "fear not" is the most repeated phrase in the Bible.
• John 14:12
• Philippians 4:13 "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."

Step 3: Clarify. Clarify what you really want.

• WRITE IT DOWN. BE SPECIFIC!

Step 4: Don't. Don't wait for ideal circumstances.

• It never settles down
• "One of these days" means "none of these days".

So, I have taken the initiative to (step 4) not to wait for the ideal circumstances, and (step 3) clearly and specifically write down what I really want. Now, this is where the name of my blog comes into play. I'm not one to share the desires of my heart so these are my "inner thoughts". ___________________________________________________________________

Long term:

Honor God with my life. I've always valued Psalms 31:10-31- "The Virtuous Wife" chapter. The verse out of this chapter that most know is verse 30, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised". This is NOT earthly praise, but a Heavenly praise. Also, Titus 2:1-10 talks about the characteristics of a woman if she is walking with the Lord.

Graduate college. At this moment I'm not even really sure what my true desire to do for the rest of my life is... I know I want to be able to do something to help people: somethin' in the medical field, elementary ed, social work, etc... (these are the fields I am most interested in.) Who knows!?!?

Pray alot harder for the man I'm going to marry. I have always believed that God will give us the desires of our hearts. It's every girl's dreams to live a fairy talk life and find "true love" and live "happily ever after". There are two different kinds of love: 1. UNCONDITIONAL and 2. lustful.

• Unconditional- not subject to have any conditions.
• Lust- having a very strong sexual desire for someone.

This world has "love songs". Well, I call them "I'd love to lust after/with you" songs. Sure, God made man and woman to be attracted to eachother, but the world has jaded His intention of the sacred and pure gift He's carefully and willingly planned for us. I definitely want my husband to love the way I look, but I also want him to be deeply and desperately in love with my character and personality as well as my outward beauty. I want him to mean "I love you Raquel" 'cause he really does love me and not because he wants anything but my unconditional love in return.

Get married. EVENTUALLY! Haha!

Raise a family. After I am married I would LOVE to raise kids of my own. I've also thought about adopting because my brothers and I are adopted.

Coach basketball. My passion. I wish I could do it 24/7!

Buy an old house and renovate it. One day I would really like to buy an old house on alot of land. I'd like to fix it up. And I'd really like to own horses! Do I know alot about either of these things?! No! Haha! But I'd love to learn the basics of something new and something useful in life.

Learn more about auto mechanics: Yes, I might have some alterior motives for learning this skill. I have learned, since owning a car, how much work, time, and money it is to maintain an automobile properly. Also, guys think it's hot when a girl is a grease monkey! Haha!

_____________________________________________________________

Short term:

Coach and play basketball: I absolutely LOVE basketball as you might remember from my statement earlier. I don't care how I'm involved in it. I just want to be around it all the time!

Work: I believe that we are supposed to have a good work ethic. We are supposed to have an attitude of excellence. That is how you're gonna feel accomplished at the end of the day after work. Also, your bosses won't have any complaints with your work ethic... other than you might be a workaholic. (Which I definitely am!!!)

College: Honestly, I'd love to go to NC State. They don't really have what I wanna do at this moment... oh wait, I'm not sure what I wanna major in. Haha!

Church: Bible believing. Calvinistic, maybe not the full 5 points. Contemporary but hasn't lost some of the traditional feel. I'd love to help with a girl's Bible study or help with the youth. But I know I still need to be ministered to through a college career class and through older and wiser woman at the church. I love to sing, not that I'm the greatest... but I'd love to be in a praise team ministry.

Dating: Honestly, I don't have to date. I'm very content in my own skin and identity that I don't have to have a boyfriend. There hasn't been a day in my life that I know of that some guy hasn't been interested in me even if I'm not dating. It's kinda weird not to go out on dates anymore... Why don't I?! I don't want to lead guys on when I know I don't like them. I'm not interested in playing the field. I've had my heart broken a few too many times, and I would like to have at least some of my heart when I actually do find the person I've been waiting on.

What am I looking for in a man?:

Godly

Honesty

Loyalty

Humorous (but can be serious)

Chivalrous

Handsome

Great personality

Country (my redneck romeo)

Hard working (not a workaholic)

Dependable

Generous

Loving (willing to be loved- both unconditionally and maritally)

Willing

Humble (yet confident)

I have been talking to a good friend, Chris K., about my truest and deepest desire in this area. I dated Michael my Sophomore year in high school. We dated for 8 months. We broke up, but have continued to be friends over the years. It's been such a great thing but sooo painful. I was anorexic and depressed for 2-2 1/2 years after the breakup. I did date other people for the sake of dating, but my heart was not in it. There are many songs that describe my feelings about this strange relationship but Jerrod Niemann's song "What Do You Want" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97BfC4LgrXk) describes how I feel everytime he calls and wants to get together. Everytime we talk and our friendship grows the more painful it is 'cause I know it's not gonna last... it feels like we're breaking up all over again. I am left wondering time and time again, what do you want?!

Over the years I have prayed on many different occasions that if Michael and I weren't meant to be together that he wouldn't be in my life again. Guess what?! That didn't happen. I have prayed that Michael and I would date again. Guess what?! That didn't happen either. Haha! SO FRUSTRATING!!!

• I will always be there for Michael. I will ALWAYS be his friend
• If I were dating someone else I would dump them in a heartbeat if Michael wanted to date me again.
• If Michael was to come to my wedding I doubt I could say "I do" with him there.
• I can't watch or hang out with Michael if he's interested in someone or dating someone else. And I surely could never attend Michael's wedding if he was marring someone else.

Am I obsessed? No! He was my first true love. And I just love doing things for him like finding weird things for gifts for him (like chocolate shotgun shells) or making him blueberry muffins. I love it!!! I don't need to be in a relationship at this moment anyway... I have alot to deal with without adding that stress to my life. But I would like to be friends with him for now. I would like to talk to him about our past and settle that for myself. I wouldn't take back us dating for anything, but I would take back the whole deal with Bryan and Michael. I didn't handle that like I should have... I was young. It was my first time dealing with anything like that. I wish I could take ALL of that back. I've grown up and learned alot in these past four and a half years!

Relationships: Any relationship isn't gonna work out until my focus and relationship is right with God. I know this! Once that happens I can work on my relationship with others.

_____________________________________________________________

Honestly, I don't think I can get anymore specific than that! Who would have imagined getting all these inner thoughts outta me after a Sunday morning sermon?!